Hannah, Kristin

Firefly Lane

p.ded – “This book is dedicated to ‘us.’ The girls. Friends who see one another through the hard times, big and small, year in and year out. You know who you are. Thanks.”
p.ded – “The best mirror is an old friend. - George Herbert”
p.1 – “Before they met, that road seemed to go nowhere at all; it was just a country lane named after an insect no one had ever seen in this rugged blue and green corner of the world.”
p.7 – “Gran had frowned when she saw it, told her not to get her hopes up, but Tully hadn’t been able to do that. Her hopes had been up for years.”
p.9 – “Mommy looked at Tully for the first time; really looked at her. ‘You remember that, kiddo. Life isn’t about cooking and cleaning and havin’ babies. It’s about bein’ free. Doin’ your own thing. You can be the fucking president of the United States if you want.’ "
p.16 – “But things changed fast. She knew that now. A horse could get old overnight and go lame. A friend could become a stranger just as quickly.”
p.22 – " ‘So that you know you can be whatever you want to be. Your generation is so lucky. You can be anything you want. But you have to take a risk sometimes. Reach out. One thing I can tell you for sure is this: we only regret what we don’t do in life.’ "
p.26 – “This was shy she never invited anyone over to her house. When you were keeping secrets, you needed to do it alone, in the dark.”
p.34 – “If only she had someone she trusted to talk to. Maybe that would ease a little of this pain. but, of course, there was no one.”
p.35 – “Tully stared a her. In the silvery light from a full moon, she saw nothing but compassion in Kate’s magnified green eyes, and she wanted to talk , wanted it with a fierceness that made her feel sick. but she didn’t know how to start.”
p.37 – " ‘Popular just means lots of people think they know you.’ "
p.38 – “But all night she tossed and turned, dreaming about the encounter with Tully, wondering what would happen in the morning. Should she talk to Tully today at school, smile at her? Or was she expected to pretend it had never happened? There were rules to popularity, secret codes written in invisible ink that only girls like Tully could read. All Kate knew was that she didn’t want to make a mistake and embarrass herself. She knew that sometimes the popular girls were ‘secret friends’ with nerds; like, they smiled and said hi when they weren’t in school or when their parents were friends. Maybe that was how it would be with her and Tully.”
p.41 – “The answer was slim comfort, actually. In the day they’d officially been friends, Kate had learned on thing about Tully: she was a girl who made Plans.”
p.49 – “They helped each other to their feet and retrieved their bikes. By the time they were across the road, Kate barely noticed where she was hurt. She felt like a different girl suddenly– bolder, braver, willing to try anything. So what if trouble followed a night like this? wah was a sprained ankle or a bloody knee next to an adventure? For the past two years she’d followed all the rules and stayed home on weekend nights. No more.”
p.53 – " ‘Do you think lying to your friends is okay?’ ‘No, ma’am.’ So intently was she staring at the floor tha she was startled by a gentle touch on her chin that forced her to look up.”
p.53 – " ‘I’d never hurt Katie.’ Tully wanted to say more, maybe fall to her knees and swear to be a good person, but she was so close to tears she didn’t dare move. She stared into Mrs. Mularkey’s dark eyes and saw something she never expected to see: understanding."
p.54 – " ‘She didn’t want people to look at her like she was pitiful.’ "
p.54 – “Mrs. Mularkey nodded. ‘She hated that look. What matters, though, isn’t other people. That’s what I learned. Who your mom is and how she lives her life isn’t a reflection of you. You can make you own choices. And there’s nothing for you to be ashamed of. But you’ll have to dream big, Tully.’ She glanced through the open door to the living room. ‘Like that Jean Enerson on the TV there. A woman who gets to a place like that in her life knows how to go after what she wants.’ "
p.54 – " ‘How do I know what I want?’ "
p.54 – " ‘You keep your eyes open and do the right thing. Go to college. And trust your friends.’ "
p.57 – “Tully knew what Kate was asking of her; she wanted the truth that had spawned the lie, but Tully didn’t know if she could do it, turn all her pain into words and pass them out like cards. All her life she’d kept these secrets close. If she told Kate the reality and then lost her as a friend, it would be unbearable.”
p.64 – “She hadn’t realized how much sh’ed needed a dream, but it had transformed her, changed her from poor motherless and abandoned Tully to a girl poised to take on the world.”
p.66 – " ‘You know what, Tallulah Hart, I believe you. Now go off to high school and enjoy your senior year. Real life comes fast enough.’ "
p.67 – “Outside, it looked like a postcard of Seattle; the kind of blue-skied, cloudless, picture-perfect day that lured out-of-towners into selling their homes in duller, less spectacular places and moving here. If only they knew how rare these days were. Like a rocket blaster, summer burned fast and bright in this part of the world and went out with equal speed.”
pp.68-69 – “She forced herself to look away. It didn’t do any good in life to pine for what you couldn’t have. Cloud had certainly taught her that lesson.”
p.70 – “My dearest Tully– I am so sorry. I know how afraid you are of being alone, of being left behind, but God has His plan for all of us. I would have stayed with you longer if I could have. Your grandfather and I will always be watching out for you from Heaven. You will never be alone if you believe in that. You were the greatest joy in my life. Love, Gran.”
p.73 – “Tully wondered how long it would be before she could think of Gran without crying.”
p.73 – “Tully stared at her weird reflection in the window. It was like looking at a negative version of her face, colorless and insubstantial. The way she felt inside, actually.”
p.76 – “I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things.”
pp.79-80 – " ‘I know.’ Tully lay back against the log and stared up at the night sky. She wanted to admit that she was scared and that as alone as she’d sometimes felt in life, she knew now what real loneliness was, but she couldn’t ay the words, not even to Kate. Thoughts– even fears– were airy things, formless until you made them solid with your voice, and once given that weight, they could crush you.”
pp.80-81 – " ‘You won’t.’ Tully saw how worried her friend was, and she knew she should stop this plan right now. It was reckless, maybe even dangerous. But she couldn’t stop the train. If she didn’t do something drastic, she’d sink into he gooey darkness of her own fears. She’d think about the mother who’d so often and so repeatedly abandoned her, and the stranger with whom she’d soon live, and the grandmother who was gone. ‘We won’t get caught. I promise.’ She turned to Kate. ‘You trust me, don’t you?’ "
p.82 – " ‘My favorite part was the ever popular she's in a better place. As if dead is better than being with me.’ "
p.87 – “At that, she made a little sound of horror. How could she have been so stupid? The Mularkeys had liked her until tonight, and now she’d gone and thrown that all away, and for what? Because she’d been depressed by her mom’s rejection? By now she ought to be used to that. When had it ever been any other way?”
pp.89-90 – “Through all the decades of Tully’s life, she would remember that moment as the beginning of something new for her; the becoming of someone new. While she lived with the loud, crazy, loving Mularkey family, she found a whole new person inside of her. She didn’t keep secret or tell lies or pretend that she was someone ees, and never once did they act as if she were unwanted or not good enough.”
p.94 – “She’d met with her School of Communications advisor so often that he sometimes avoided her in the hall when he saw her coming, but she didn’t care. When she had questions, she wanted answers.”
p.121 – “Her first time, back in those dark Snohomish woods, faded from her memory a little more each day, until one day she discovered that she no longer carried it around inside of her. It would always be a part of her, a scar on her soul, but like all scars, it faded in time from a bright and burning red to a slim, silvery line that could only sometimes be seen.”
p.127 – “The problem, it seemed, was her heart. Unlike Tully, who could barrel forward and ask any question, Kate found i hard to intrude on people’s grief. More and more often lately, she held back no her own stories and edited Tully’s instead.”
p.127 – “The war in Vietnam had been lost, Nixon had resigned, Mount St. Helens had blown up, and cocaine had become the Chex mix for a new generation of partygoers. The U.S. hockey team had pulled off a miracle win at the Olympics and a B-rate actor was president. Dreams could hardly remain static in such uncertain times.”
p.133 – " ‘Realistic? Realistic is your dad and me trying to manage our expenses when they keep cutting his hours at the plant. Realistic is me being a smart woman who can’t get a job at anything better than minimum wage because I have no education and all I’ve done is raise kids. Believe me, Katie, you don’t want to be realistic at your age. There’s plenty of time for that. Now you should dream big and reach high.’ "
p.151 – " ‘I’m here on assignment for KCPO news.’ Tully tried to keep the pride out fo her voice, knowing it was stupid to expect anything from her mother, but it was there anyway, in her eyes and her voice, the shadowy remnant of that pathetic little girl who’d filled twelve memory books so that someday her mother would know her and be proud. ‘It was my first on-air report. I told you I’d be on TV someday.’ "
p.158 – “They all knew it, but perhaps Johnny most of all. So, although the three of them didn’t talk about the future, they felt its shadowy presence constantly, and somehow that made their time together sweeter and more intense.”
p.172 – “Kate heard the admiration in his voice, saw it in his eyes. Any other time it might have wounded her, that obvious pride; now it pissed her off. ‘That’s why you’re in love with her, isn’t it? Because she has the guts you don’t. So you put her in harm’s way and get her shot and you’re proud of her passion.’ Her shaking voice drew the last word out like a piece of poisoned taffy. ‘Screw the heroics. I wasn’t talking about the news. I was asking about her life. Have you even asked how she is?’ "
p.176 – “Love could be more fragile than a sparrow’s bone.”
p.179 – “It was ridiculous, and embarrassing, but her dreams centered more on him and less on broadcasting. Not that she could admit that to anyone. Twenty-five-year-old college-educated women were expected to dream of more money and higher positions on the corporate ladder and running the very companies that had refused to hire their mothers. Husbands were to be avoided in the pre-thirty years. There was always time for marriage and children, was the common refrain. You couldn’t give up you for them. But what if you wanted them more than you wanted a singular powerful you? No one ever talked about that. Kate knew that Tully would laugh at such thoughts, say Kate was stuck in the fifties. Even her mother would say she was wrong and bring up that weighted word: regret.”
p.181 – “When I took the job at Vanderbilt I knew what it meant for us. I hoped… but I knew. You want a lot from this world, Tully. Me, I just want you. It ain’t exactly lock-and-key perfect, is it? Here’s what matters: I’ll always love you. Light the world on fire.”
p.183 – " ‘This is the problem with forever friends. They know too much.’ "
p.183 – " ‘Of course you can fall in love. You just have to let yourself. They don’t call it falling for nothing.”
p.186 – “Kate knew what love was, how it could turn you inside out and dry up your heart. An unreturned love was a bleak and terrible thing.”
pp.191-192 – " ‘The news, as you know, is go-go-go. We’re always moving at top speed, just getting the facts and then moving on. I often find myself more interested in what comes after the story than the story itself. I’m better, I believe, at long-range thinking and planning. Details, rather than broad strokes. And I’m a good writer. I’d like to learn more about that, but I won’t do it in ten-second sound bites.’ "
p.207 – “It had never felt quite so fragile before, or so bittersweet. All her life she’d imagined love as a durable thing, a polyester emotion that could handle the wear and tear of everyday action, but now she saw how dangerous that perception was. It lulled you, put you at risk.”
p.224 – “The days passed like cards falling from a deck, so fast that sometimes they were just a blur of sound and color. But she was on her way. She knew that, and the knowledge kept her going.”
p.230 – “And it was back, wrenching, cutting, twisting through her until she cried out. For the first six hours she’d been pretty good. She’d focused and breathed and kissed her husband when he leaned down to her and thanked him when he pressed a cool wet rag to her forehead. In the second six hours she lost her natural sense of optimism. The relentless, gnawing pain was like some horrible creature biting away at her, leaving less and less.”
p.237 – " ‘Don’t thank me, Hart. Just do your job– and do it better than anyone else could.’ "
p.238 – “The trip opened her eyes to a world she’d never seen before; more than that, it showed her who she was. The fear, the adrenaline rush, the story; it turned her on like nothing ever had before.”
p.240 – “The truth was that her gorgeous, pale-skinned, dark-haired, brown-eyed daughter was more than a handful. From the moment she came home Marah was sick. Ear infections followed each other like cars on a train; just when one ended, another began. Colic caused her to cry inconsolably for hours at a time. Kate had lost count of the times she’d found herself in the living room in the middle of the night, holding her red-faced, shrieking daughter and quietly crying herself.”
p.245 – “Side by side, they sat down. Kate leaned against her mother, who stroked her hair. The gentle, soothing motion transported her back a few decades. ‘Remember when I wanted to be an astronaut, and you said I was lucky because my generation could have it all? I could have three kids, a husband, and still go to the moon. What a bunch of bullshit that was.’ She sighed. ‘It’s hard to be a good mother.’ "
p.245 – " ‘It’s hard to be good at anything.’ "
p.246 – " ‘You have a lifetime to be afraid,’ Dad said. ‘That’s what parenting is. Might as well embrace it, kiddo.’ "
p.246 – “When she held Marah one last time and kissed her soft cheek, Kate had to hold back tears. It was ridiculous and embarrassing and inevitable, for it didn’t matter that motherhood had kicked the hell out of her and ruined her confidence; it had also swamped her so with with love that she was only half a person without her daughter.”
p.255 – " ‘I’m from a little town in Oklahoma. When I got to New York– with a degree in journalism and a job in the secretarial pool– I discovered the ugly truth about this career. Practically everyone is Someone or related to Someone. A nobody has to work damn hard. I don’t think I slept more than five hours at a time, had a family holiday, or had sex that meant something for almost a decade.’ "
p.265 – “She tried to take strength from that, to truly believe it, but hope was becoming difficult to hold on to. Each passing day had sanded her down, weakened the walls of her denial; in places, fear called itself truth and poked through.”
p.268 – “In a quiet, halting voice, she closed her eyes and talked to him. About what, she couldn’t have said. All she knew was that a voice could offer light in a dark place, and light could lead you out.”
p.273 – “Soon, Tully had Kate laughing. That was the thing about best friends. Like sisters and mothers, they could piss you off and make you cry and break your heart, but in the end, when the chips were down, they were there, making you laugh even in your darkest hours.”
p.279 – “Kate wanted to give him a laundry list of reasons that it was too burdensome for her schedule. He and Tully made everything sound so easy, as if life were a combo plate you could order and pay for. She knew how wrong they were, how it felt to find that you weren’t good enough.”
p.284 – “Kate placed her hand on her mother’s. They both understood; every at-home mom in the world understood. Ultimately there were prices to be paid for the choices a woman made. ‘You’re my hero, Mom,’ Kate said simply.”
p.289 – “By 2000, Kate rarely paused in the whirlwind chaos of her everyday life to wonder where the years had gone.”
p.289 – “The at-home mother’s life: it was a race with no finish line. That was what they talked about in the carpool line as they waited for their kids to leave school. That, and divorce. Every month lately it seemed that one seemingly solid marriage had shown its crumbling clay foundation.”
p.297 – “Fame and celebrity and money should have allowed her to slow down and enjoy her career, but the opposite had occurred. The more she got, the more she wanted, the more afraid she was of losing it, and the harder she worked.”
p.307 – “If success were gold, lying in rivers, love was a diamond, buried hundreds of feet beneath the surface of the earth and unrecognizable in its natural form.”
p.309 – “Fear changed everyone and everything, and yet, as always, life went on. Hour by hour, day by day, while politicians and military personnel were looking for bombs and terrorists, and while the Justice Department was tearing down Enron’s papery walls, families went on with their ordinary lives. Kate continued to run her errands and raise her children and love her husband. If she held on to all of them a little more tightly and kept them closer to home, everyone understood: the world wasn’t as safe as it had been before.”
p.311 – “Kate took care not to react too sharply to that. Although she wanted to grin and say how happy she was, she simply nodded and followed her daughter into the house and then into the kitchen. She’d learned a few things in the last turbulent year about dealing with preteen girls. While they were virtual roller coasters of emotion, you needed to be calm, always.”
p.314 – “Kate had been thinking a lot about what to say, how to handle this first heartbreak. Like all mothers, she would do anything in the world to keep her daughter safe and whole, but some dangers couldn’t be fully protected against, they could only be experienced and then understood. That was one of the many lessons this country had learned this year, and even though some things had changed for them all, some things had stayed the same.”
p.318 – “It should have surprised her. God knew she’d heard the same thing often enough in her life. She could even admit the truth of it. She did want more lately. She wanted a real life, not this perfect, glittery cotton candy one she’d created for herself.”
p.319 – " ‘You’re lonely. The world isn’t enough after all.’ "
p.326 – “Tully hadn’t realized how tense she’d been, how tight her neck and shoulders had become, until that moment, when she began to relax. As always, Kate was her safety net, her security blanket. With her best friend beside her, she could finally trust herself. She leaned back in her chair and stared up at the night sky. She’d never been on of those people who felt insignificant beneath the heavens, but suddenly she understood why some people did; it was a matter of perspective. She’d spent so much of her life in a rush for the finish line that she’d been left out of breath. If she’d paid a little more attention to the scenery and a little less to the goal line, she might not be here now, a forty-two-year-old single woman searching for the tattered remnant of a family.”
p.332 – " ‘That’s not the question you want to ask.You want to know what it’s like to love someone.’ He gave her a grin that made him look like a kid again. ‘Besides yourself, I mean.’ "
p.334 – " ‘You can do this,’ she said to the scared-looking woman in the rearview mirror. She’d spent a lifetime shellacking her heart, creating this hard casing around it, and now she was purposely peeling it away, exposing her vulnerability. But what choice did she have? If she and her mother were ever going to have a chance, someone had to make the first move.”
p.339 – “Marah made a face. ‘My mom? She never does anything cool.’ Tully shook her head. ‘Marah, your mother loves you no matter what and she’s proud of you. Believe me, princess, that’s the coolest thing in the world.’ "
pp.345-346 – “Because of all that, she should be proud of Johnny and happy for this chance and what it meant to him. That was what marriage was, a team sport, and this was her time to be cheerleader. But even knowing all that, she couldn’t quite be happy. Instead, she was afraid. Yes, they’d be rich. Maybe even powerful. But at what cost?”
p.353 – “So Kate did what she’d always done: she kept moving, hoping no one would notice that she didn’t smile as easily as she used to, or sleep as well.”
p.357 – “That was the third sucker punch tonight, and it hurt so much she said, ‘You better leave, Tully. This is a family matter.’ ‘But… I thought I was family.’ ‘Goodnight,’ Kate said quietly, then walked out of the room.”
pp.363-364 – “Kate couldn’t help smiling. ‘I know. I know. But how come I always have to be the one to let things go? How come I always have to make the first call?’ ‘You just do.’ It was true; always had been. Friendships were like marriages in that way. Routines and patterns were poured early and hardened like cement.”
p.369 – “Kate wanted nothing more than to seize the instant’s possibility and pull Marah into her arms for a hug, to hang on to her little girl for just a moment and say, I love you, but she didn’t dare. Motherhood at times like this– most times– was about the steel in your spine, not the bend. ‘Maybe next time you’ll think about the consequences of an action.’ "
p.372 – “That was the sly, ruinous thing about motherhood, the thing that twisted your insides with guilt and made you change your mind and lower your standards: giving in was so damned easy.”
p.373 – “There was a pause. Then Mom said, ‘Thirty years.’ ‘Thirty years what?’ ‘That’s how long before you’ll get an apology, too, but you know what’s great?’ Kate groaned. ‘That I might not live that long?’ ‘That you’ll know she’s sorry long before she does.’ Mom laughed. ‘And when she needs you to babysit, she’ll really love you.’ "
p.384 – “She’d almost forgotten how this felt, the scary/exhilarating feeling that you might fail. The past years had given her such insulation. Now it was as if she were new again, starting out, trying something only she believed in.”
p.406 – “The audience would laugh at her, say she should have done more with her life, been more.”
p.414 – " ‘You better think about how you’re treating me, Marah.’ Kate’s voice broke on that; she struggled to sound in control. ‘I love you more than the world and you’re hurting me on purpose.’ ‘It’s not my fault.’ Kate sighed. ‘How could it be, Marah? Nothing ever is.’ It was exactly the wrong thing to say. Kate knew it the second she said it, but she couldn’t take it back.”
p.417 – “Tully didn’t even say goodbye. She just hung up the phone. The truth she’d been trying to outrun landed on her chest, so heavy she could hardly breathe. Everyone she loved was a member of Kate’s family, not her own, and when the chips were down, they took sides.”
p.423 – “She wished she knew what to say to this woman, with whom she had a history but no present. So she just talked. She told her about the show and her life and how successful she’d become. When that started to sound hollow and desperate, she talked about Kate and their fight and how it had left her feeling so alone. As the words formed themselves and spilled out, Tully heard the truth in them. Losing the Ryans and Mularkeys had left her devastatingly alone. Cloud was all she had left. How pathetic was that? ‘We’re all alone in this world, haven’t you figured that out by now?’ "
pp.427-428 – " ‘Are you kidding? They’re going to take away my breasts.’ Her voice caught on that; fear was a crack in the road that tripped her up. ‘Then they’ll poison and burn me. And all that is supposed to be the good news.’ "
p.440 – “As soon as Mrs. M left, Johnny moved even closer, said, ‘She’s fragile right now, Tul. Her faculties have been impacted by the cancer in her brain. She has good moments… and not-so-good moments.’ ‘What are you saying?’ Tully asked. ‘She might not know who you are.’ "
p.442 – " ‘I am a bitch,’ Tully said miserably, her eyes welling up. ‘I should have called. It was just…’ She didn’t even know what to say, how to explain this dark rip that had always been inside of her. ‘No looking back, okay?’ ‘That only leaves ahead,’ Tully said, and the words were like bits of broken metal, sharp and cold. ‘No,’ Kate said. ‘It leaves now.’ "
p.442 – “Tully took a step back. ‘I’m here to watch you die. Is that what you’re telling me? Because I say no fucking way to that. I won’t do it.’ Kate looked up at her, smiling just a little. ‘That’s all there is, Tully.’ "
p.443 – " ‘So what do I do?’ Kate’s smile was almost like the old days. ‘That’s my Tul. I’m dying of cancer and you ask about you.’ She laughed. ‘That’s not funny.’ ‘I don’t know how to do this.’ Tully wiped her eyes. The truth of what they were really talking about pressed in on her. ‘We’ll do it like we’ve done everything else, Kate. Side by side.’ "
pp.443-444 – “Tully went outside, surprised to find that it was light ot here, warm and sunny. It seemed vaguely wrong that the sun was still shining while Kate lay up in that narrow bed, dying. She walked down the street, her watery eyes hidden behind huge, dark sunglasses so that no one would recognize her. The last thing she wanted now was to be stopped.”
p.446 – “Surgery – Sure, cut me open and take my breasts. Radiation – Absolutely. Burn me up. Chemotherapy – Another dose of poison, please. Tofu and miso soup – Yum. May I have some more? Crystals. Meditation. Visualization. Chinese herbs. She’d done it all, and done it with vigor. Even more important, she’d believed in all of it, believed she’d be cured. The effort had winded her; the belief had broken her.”
pp.446-447 – “But her children would see through the illness to her, the woman they would always remember, but never truly have time to know. Tully was right. The only gift Kate could give them now was the truth of who she was. She flipped the journal open. Because she had no clear idea of where to to start, she simply began to write:…”
p.447 – “Worse yet is Marah’s quiet acceptance of everything I say. I would give anything for another of our old knock-down drag-out fights. That’s one of the first things I’d say to you now, Marah: Those fights were real life. You were struggling to break free of being my daughter but unsure of how to be yourself, while I was afraid to let you go. It’s the circle of love. I only wish I’d recognized it then. Your grandmother told me I’d know you were sorry ofr those years before you did, and she was right. I know you regret some of the things you said to me, as I regret my own words. None of that matters, though. I want you to know that. I love you and I know you love me.”
p.454 – “Marah stood up and moved forward, twisting her hands together. For all of her grown-up beauty, the fear in her eyes made her look ten years old again.”
p.454 – " ‘I was a bitch to grandma, too. That’s what teen girls do: rag on their mothers. And you Aunt Tully was a bitch to everyone.’ Marah made a sound that was a half snort, half laughter, and pure relief. ‘I won’t tell you said that.’ ‘Believe me, honey, it will come as no surprise to her. And I want you to know something: I’m proud of you big personality and spirit. It will take you far in this life.’ On those last words, she saw her daughter’s eyes fill tears. Kate opened her arms and Marah leaned down to her, pulling her into a fierce embrace.”
p.456 – “Kate swallowed hard, tasting the bitterness of tears in the back of her throat. ‘We’ve always been friends, Marah. Even when we didn’t know it.’ "
p.457 – “When the ride was over and they were on the beach, she opened her eyes and looked up at Tully. In that moment, that one poignant smile, she remembered everything about them. The starlight looked like fireflies, falling down around them.”
pp.458-459 – “Mrs. M waved her hand. ‘You girls from the seventies think you’re so cool. Let me tell you, I was around for the sixties, and you’ve got nothing on me.’ She took the joint and put it in her mouth, taking a long, deep drag, holding it, and blowing it out. ‘Hell, Katie, how do you think I got through the teen years when my two girls were sneaking out of the house at night and riding their bikes in the dark?’ "
pp.459-460 – " ‘I’m right there. Ten feet away. If you need me in the night, just yell.’ She touched his face. ‘I always need you. You know that.’ His face crumpled at that; she saw the toll her cancer had taken on him. He looked old. ‘And I need you.’ He leaned down and kissed her forehead.”
p.461 – " ‘This at-home shit is hard. Why didn’t you ever tell me? No wonder you looked tired for fifteen years.’ "
p.464 – “Tully had taken over Kate’s daytime routine as best she could, which left Kate time to work on her journal. Sometimes, lately, she worried that she wouldn’t have time to finish it, and the thought scared her. The funny thing was that dying didn’t. Not so much anymore. Oh, she still had panic attacks when she thought about The End, but even those were becoming less frequent. More and more often, she just thought: Let me rest.”
p.465 – " ‘For the last few weeks, I’ve tried to read it a bunch of times and I couldn’t.’ ‘It’s okay–’ ‘And I figured out why. We all need it.’ She reached over to the end table and picked up the paperback copy of The Hobbit Kate had given her. It felt like a lifetime ago now, the day she’d given this favorite novel to her daughter, passed it on. A lifetime ago, and an instant.”
p.466 – “Reaching into the bag at her side, she pulled out her journal and stared down at it, tracing the leather pattern on the cover. It was almost finished now. She’d written it all down, or as much as she could remember, and it had helped her as much as she’d hoped it would someday help her kids.”
pp.446-447 – “That’s the funny thing about writing your life story. You start out trying to remember dates and times and names. You think it’s about facts, your life; that what you’ll look back on and remember are the successes and failures, the time line of your youth and middle age, but that isn’t it at all. Love. Family. Laughter. That’s what I remember when it’s all said and done. For so much of my life I thought I didn’t do enough of want enough. I guess I can be forgiven my stupidity. I was young. I want my children to know how proud I am of them, and how proud I am of me. We were everything we needed– you and Daddy and I. I had everything I ever wanted. Love. That’s what we remember. She closed the journal. There was nothing more to say.”
p.474 – " ‘It scares the hell out of me to think of my baby in Hollywood. But you’re a TV star. Her dad’s a news producer. The poor kid is surrounded by dreamers. What chance did she ever have?’ She reached over, squeezed Tully’s hand. More than anything, she wanted to look at Tully, but she couldn’t do it, didn’t dare. ‘You’ll watch out for her and the boys, right?’ "
p.475 – " ‘Here’s what I want you to know: I loved my life. For so long I was waiting for it to start, waiting for more. It seemed like all I did was drive and shop and wait. But you what? I didn’t miss a thing with my family. Not a moment. I was there for all of it. That what I’ll remember, and they’ll have each other.’ "
p.475 – “Kate gave her a tired smile. ‘I’m proud of you, you know. Have I told you that often enough?’ ‘And I’m proud of you.’ Tully looked at her best friend, and in that one look, thirty plus years crowded in between them, reminded them both of the girls they’d been and the dreams they’d shared, and of the women they’d become. ‘We’ve done all right, haven’t we?’ "
p.479 – " ‘Dancing Queen’ blared out at her, sweeping her back in time. Young and sweet, only seventeen. She stood up, unsure of whether she was laughing or crying. All she really knew was that she wasn’t alone, that Kate wasn’t gone. They’d had more than three decades of good times and bad times and everything in between, and nothing could take that away. They had the music and the memories, and in those, they would always, always be together. Best friends forever. There, standing in the middle of the street, all by herself, she started to dance.”